I was talking to a friend the other day and I was telling them about some stuff I was struggling with, and they were shocked and said they had no idea because I seem so put together. I laughed really hard at that thought, I am actually still laughing. Because I am truly a hot mess and the fact that it ever comes off like I am not is absolutely crazy!! My goal in life in transparency and I feel like things like social media make it really easy to a) hide behind b) give false impressions and c) to compare with others and I don’t ever want to be in that category of fakeness!
Society and our culture have taught us what a ‘great mom’ looks like and frankly its unattainable, for me at least. I always want to be real. I never want anyone to think anything but the reality and the fact that people don’t think I am a hot mess at times concerns me (lol)
So this post is to set the record straight. To confess the reality of my failures as a wife and especially a parent and most of all, the state of my house. So LETS. GET. REAL
Every time my husband’s boss comes into our house I continuously apologize for the disaster zone he walked into. Finally the other day he said to me ‘why do all you women do this? no ones house is perfect, we all just need to be real’ It caught my attention because honestly I have 3 young kids, a puppy, and sometimes the house just looks like an explosion like 6-7 days a week. I also am pretty freaking lazy, and sometimes I want to sit down and don’t want to clean it all up for the 40th time that week. *disclaimer since this was originally posted--something has happened to me, like when the grinches heart grew 3 sizes..all of a sudden the mess is bothering me!! Causing me to,ugh, be forced to clean it up. Its awful, if someone knows how to make this go away so I dont have to be a real adult please let me know!
I will clean my floors and cook food for my family, but I seriously just would rather eat off of paper plates then clean dishes every night. Honestly the fact that people clean dishes every night astounds me, I sometimes leave them on the counter after dinner and then finally my husband or I will get fed up and load the dishwasher. I get that it’s a combination of laziness, and that the dishwasher is actually the easy way out but I seriously can’t even do that some days. My last point is I was lazy and so is this one, so really the point is that I am just lazy some (most) days.
I would like to pretend we have bath time every night and then my kids jump in their jammies and fall peacefully asleep. I actually laughed out loud as I wrote that, are there children that do that? I should go job-shadow those moms. Sometimes, we have play bathes and don’t even focus on soap (although one of my kids ends up eating it usually so that has to count for something)
Like actually I would pay someone to come into my house and do laundry and dishes, I feel like that is money WELL spent. Me and the kids have enough clothes that I think I could go over a month without having to do laundry, not that that works because my 4 year old insists on wearing the 3 ugliest tops in her wardrobe and I have to wash them. I know people who live with a minimalist mentality, and I am all for that minus this area. If we had less clothes, I would have to do more laundry and I actually have a physical reaction to that thought. I actually don’t mind putting the laundry in, its the rest; switching it too the dryer and bringing it upstairs…let alone put it away. I’d say 99.98% of the time someone in our house is living out of a laundry basket filled with clean clothes. **disclaimer since originally posted this article....my husband moved the laundry upstairs to where all the bedrooms are--life changing!! I will never live in a house without this now, it has changed laundy for me!!
I am royally screwed when my kids learn to read, because I read half the text on each page, or make up an entirely new story based on the pictures. I skip pages, I skip to the end much faster than the author anticipated and I just dread story time. Sorry but its true. The good thing is my husband is good at that so we have a little system that I lay down and cuddle, we talk about the day and pray together and then I leave and go find chocolate and he comes in and reads stories. **disclaimer since original post-I have found some great kid podcasts that READ to the kids, then we can talk about the story after. hey its better than nothing
There are nights when bedtime gets bumped up for the sanity and well-being of the whole house. Sometimes mom’s patience just can’t make it to 7 pm guys and my kids are young enough to trick. Again once they can tell time I am screwed again so this luxury can’t last forever.
If there is an annoying toy, or something I do not want my kids to do or play with, I tell them they are broken or sleeping. At this age, they believe me. Don’t worry they will soon learn how terrible of a liar I am. I also am in decluttering mode these days, so if the toy just annoys me it gets given away now. My kids are probably scared to go to the toy room when they wake up because they dont know what will still be there!
Sometimes I fake sick
Seriously, sometimes I honestly can’t fathom doing something and embellish something so I don’t have to go. Sometimes I need to hermit which is funny because I am usually outgoing and love being around lots of people, but motherhood is slowing tearing me down.
Dinner Time, like what the frig is up with children. Like is eating dinner THAT bad? This one actually boggles my mind. I enjoy food so it really throws me off. First of all my 4 year old won’t eat any ‘meal’ if you call it by its name like….dinner. but if it is a dinner meal and you call it snack, she’s okay with that. My toddler feeds half the meal to the dog, and then puts the rest on her head. I actually am not sure how she grows, her daycare says she eats ‘wonderful’ their, so thats just another slap in the face. My 5 year old has a new habit of pretending to choke if she doesn’t like a food. Then, and this is where it gets good, not even 5 minutes after dinner SHE SAYS SHES HUNGRY Like seriously, SERIOUSLY?! It takes every ounce of my being to not to loose.my.s#!+
I seriously have no patience. Like before I had kid I didn’t think I had a lot but since becoming a parent I think I actually have negative patience. Like I get mad and frustrated before something even happens. This is NOT a good quality or something I am proud of, and trust me something I am working on but this post is about being real and I lose it sometimes (all the time?) and yell at my kids. I do ask them for forgiveness after I have calmed down….so much so to the point that my 5-year-old on a nightly basis asks if I need to ‘ask forgiveness’ from her **Disclosure, I have learned a lot in this area. I am home now on mat leave with my 3rd, and since I am less busy I am much more calm. I have also been reading and trying to get better in this area so I have learned that my anxiety is a major cause for this as well. I definitely still yell and get frustrated easy, but since I have slowed down a bit and really been working on this, it is getting 'better'
I actually could go crazy with this one. My older daughter is like a mind ninja. I seriously have yet to find a punishment that really gets through to her. Last night she went to bed straight from dinner, she got no toys all night, no TV, no bath (ya like I had to take her bath away, clearly I was running out of punishments), no cuddles before bed, no story (see above, this is usually the first thing to go when she’s acting up) and seriously she was like ‘mmmmm whatever.’ Nothing gets through to her; time outs, sitting in her rooms, loosing things, anything and everything she laughs like she doesn’t have a care in the world. My other one, you say ‘no’ to her and she acts like you’ve murdered her baby doll. Even if your like ‘no don’t touch the oven you’ll burn yourself’ she’s on the floor screaming at you like you’ve betrayed her. These kids are going to give me grey hair way too early.
It’s really bad I know but I fantasize about sitting alone in a quiet room with junk food and TV. Not always but there are times I just want to find that. This is not saying I do not LOVE my family, my husband and kids but sometimes life becomes so much, as a mom you just want some time. (I thankfully have a great husband who allows this to happen from time to time!)
It is such a huge responsibility to raise kids, and in this day and age it just gets scarier. Every decision I make as their parent is monumental to who they will become as adults, and I am learning as I go, so there are bound to be some screw ups. I should probably start a therapy-fund for them now.
Hear me out here because I know this sounds bad. There are some seasons, some days where I just don’t enjoy parenting or really adulting. This does not mean I don’t love this beautiful family I have. It just means its hard, and some days I am just not up for it. I just dont want to have a battle of will’s with my kids, or fight over eating dinner like I am trying to murder them by feeding them. I don’t want to react like an adult, I want to act more like my toddler and kick, scream and cry. There are days that are tough but there are seasons that are as well. And those are hard because they don’t go by fast some times. Especially when you have really little kiddo’s, those seasons can really take a toll on a mama and I think it is perfectly fine to say ‘I am not enjoying this right now!’
Things are not always as they seem. There is a lot of great things happening in my life right now. It is easy to play that off like that’s the full picture. I just went back on a trip to where we lived for 7 years; we got married there, we had both our girls there and so it is awesome to visit. I found people asking for updates about our life and it sounds so nice; I have published a book, have started a non-profit organization, we started an adventure business so yes its been a really great year. BUT that’s one side of things. The year before, was quite possibly the worst year of our life. There is still so much stuff God is working on in me, my husband and our family unit. I have so many struggles that I am trying to overcome and allow God to chisel away the unhealthy stuff I have been carrying for years. I want to be clear; things are honestly great but also things are a struggle. Nothing is ever perfect, and that could not be more true for my life.
Please always remember that when you are looking at people’s Facebook or instagram accounts, that they usually are only posting good things and sometimes it is completely fake or sometimes it’s not the whole picture. It is so incredibly easy to write our own story, to act strong all the time, to paint a picture perfect image for everyone to see. But I think people like authenticity and transparency. I think people like when they see the realness, the struggle, the honesty in our lives because in one form or another we all go through struggles. I encourage you to live an authentic life; don’t go into church and paint a smile on your face when you just fought with your spouse the entire way there (Guilty as charged), don’t post a photo when the smiles behind the photo aren’t real. This type of transparent living fosters REAL relationships and allows you to work through the issues in your life with people by your side, not alone because you can’t admit to anyone your struggle. And most of all, Don’t compare yourself to anyone else! We all have our own stories and our own struggles, and it is truly possible to walk through them together rather than against each other.