I am coming back home a new person. God has started a transformation in my heart & mind that I couldn’t actually put into words to make you understand, but it has and still is changing me into who he actually created me to be. I said once, near the beginning of this, that I felt like God was tearing me apart down to the core...taking all the unhealthiness, shame, pain, coping, false identity, destructiveness and junk....and rebuilding me back up in his truth, his image, his identity, his ways, his love, his original plan.
I can’t get into all the details cuz I’ll be here for day’s, but these are a few things I feel like I am coming home with:
Through an amazing counsellor who came into my life in a very Devine way, I had a supernatural awakening (I know that sounds hokey and crazy but it was wild)
It was like a light went off or something finally clicked on where everything began to make sense. Hearing the gospel, studies, and even songs that I had heard so many times all of a sudden had new depth to them. What I have began to realize is I can read all the books..even all of the bible, I can go to church every Sunday, I could do 5 bible studies a week....but NOTHING substitutes having a relationship with the king, and all those other things are pointless without that (they are not pointless tho!)
2. Healing past wounds
I have begun a healing journey I never knew I needed. It’s easy to look around your life and see where everyone else is doing wrong, especially to you. It’s quite another to look inward and see your own hurts. But here’s the thing- you can’t control anyone else, but you CAN work on yourself.
3. A relationship with my kids
You may not see this on social media as much (although I do try and be real about how hard motherhood can be) But because of my own hurts and wounds, it hasn’t been as easy for me to be a mom and really feel connected to this role. This season, especially since covid we are together all.the.time and as I heal...has allowed me to actually develop deep and meaningful relationships with my kids that If I am honest, I never had before.
4. A new priority of stillness and calm
I have learned that busy isn’t always productive, and that for me...busy needs to be a red flag that maybe I’m avoiding.
When I started this journey, the first weeks were literally God teaching me how to be still. It was so foreign to me. It was constantly almost taking something on or starting something new and then realizing oh that’s not what going to benefit my mental health right now.
I’m coming home in a much more peaceful and restful place..not physically because I have 4 kids under 7 😂 But in my heart. I have learned to find rest soaking in my relationship with him which recharges me in more ways than any amount of sleep could ever give me.
6. Lastly, a vision for the future that I am so excited to let God lead me on.